Have you seen the One who sees you?

One of my favorite scriptures comes from psalm 27. It says,

one thing I ask from the Lord; this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

It offers such a beautiful picture of what it looks like to long for God. To face our lack of desire head on, and seek Him wholeheartedly. Recently, I’ve asked myself: what is the foundation of my worship? Am I here to worship the gift or the Giver?

In the Pursuit of God, AW Tozer writes,

“in the deep heart of man was a shrine where none but God was worthy to come…our woes began when God was forced out of His central shrine and “things” were allowed to enter. Within the human heart, “things” have taken over.”

In our brokenness, we have placed other things on the throne of our hearts. Things that never belonged in the high place. A seat where only Jesus is worthy to sit. We have sought comfort from external sources, and trusted in people and security that doesn’t rest in the heavenly realms. We have chosen earthly treasures, and have allowed the blessings of God to inform the posture of our worship. Even the gifts from our Father have become “things” that have taken over.

When this is the foundation of our worship, desiring the Giver and the gift, not just Christ alone, not getting what we want or hope for is a harsh awakening. We grow weary because we’re like a wave thrown and tossed by the sea, and have lost our anchor. When we’re swimming in prayers unanswered and hopes unfulfilled, sometimes we forget how to trust God and worship Him. When we’re wrestling in the in-between and the not-yet, our seeking of Him slows. Most of our life is waiting, isn’t it?

Waiting. Praying. Hoping. Believing. Trusting. Seeing. Not Yet Seeing.

With eyes open and hearts ready and willing, we’re able to see an even greater invitation, one that calls us to worship and praise no matter the circumstance. We are invited into a relationship of deep, divine communion with a God who promised to be with us. Here, we learn to trust God in everything and to believe that He truly does work all things together for good. By spending time resting in His presence, we come to see the depths of his heart revealed.

I know for me, in the middle is where things feel the hardest. The waiting is a battleground all on its own, but too is a place where God is eager to meet with us.

A little over a year ago, I went to the doctor for a routine check up. By the end of the appointment, and after a series of questions, my physician decided there were a few things that would benefit from running some tests. They ran some. Then, they ran a few more. As time went on, my worry and fear multiplied. I thought of all the worst possible scenarios, drawing lines in the sand that did not yet exist. I found it hard to stay anchored in faith and trust. In the coming weeks, fear loomed as I waited for my test results. Through all the poking, prodding and examining, I felt paralyzed. The unknown was a heavy weight I couldn’t bear, and it truly felt like it would break me. I saw the potential of an unwelcome outcome, looking around for anything to bring me peace and ease. I wondered if God was there at all (He was).

I think many of us have had seasons like this – the dark night. And I’m sure if now we find ourselves on the other side, we’d look back and say, This is how God used that. He didn’t delight in my suffering, but He used it for His good and His glory in these ways. I became more like Jesus through that trial.

I don’t often feel like I have good enough answers to the how-could-God-let-this-happen?’s and why-didn’t-God-do-something?’s but anytime I have felt deep despair, I have found comfort in knowing that even if God didn’t stop something bad from happening, He was present with me in it. And, what I see as a burden, He can turn into a blessing. His presence has given me all the answers I seek. The following story is one I’ve turned to many times when I have had to fight to believe this truth.

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The Story of Hagar

In the Old Testament, there’s a woman named Hagar who is remembered for her brief appearance in the story of Abraham and Sarah. In Sunday Schools, Sunday teachings, and the like, it seems we seldom speak of Hagar’s story. Most people probably wouldn’t be able to recall her name if they heard it, but her story is remarkable.

Before Hagar’s encounter in the desert with God, a few tensions boil over in her home. As a brief synopsis: God promises to bless a nation through Abraham and Sarah’s bloodline (Gen 12:1-3). While Abraham’s bold faith to see this come to pass is “credited to him as righteousness” (Gen 15:6), Sarah grows weary because she remains barren at the age of 75. Sarah devises an alternate plan by enlisting her Egyptian slave (Hagar) for “help” to conceive a child with Abraham. With building tensions in the home when Hagar is found pregnant, Hagar reaches her breaking point and runs away. Grief-stricken, and at her wit’s end, the angel of the Lord calls out to her.

In Genesis 16:7-14, it says,

The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered. Then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel added, “I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.”

The angel goes on to prophesy over her future son. Then, in verse 13, Hagar responds by saying

“You are the God who sees me. I have now seen the One who sees me.”

You are the God who sees me.

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God Desires to Meet With Us

In the desert that day, Hagar inclines her ear to a quiet voice without realizing that the following words would change her life. Jehovah El Roi, the God Who Sees, saw Hagar. El Roi translated as “shepherd”, or as seeing, looking, or gazing is a name for God that offers encouragement that we aren’t invisible to God. Just like Hagar, He sees you and me, too. This is a name we get to call upon in our darkest night, and our deepest grief. Here, I am reminded that even when our circumstances stay the same, God’s presence can change everything.

Why? God enters in. He doesn’t always fix everything, but he does bring hope to the hopeless. He does restore what’s been broken. He does redeem what’s been lost. He does heal the deepest parts of us. He does remind us we’re not alone. God gives the gift of His presence, and it changes everything.

Centuries ago, God revealed His heart to a weary daughter, alone in the desert, by calling out to her in her affliction. Everything changed because He had seen her, and she, Him. Knowing that God saw her changed the way Hagar wrestled. She set along the road back from where she came and let her wrestle be worship.

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He Sees You

Do you know that as you wait for a miracle, He sees you?

As you find yourself wondering if God is listening or hears you at all, He sees you.

When you didn’t realize your heart could break more, but somehow it does again, He desires to meet with you there.

As you remain single longer than you thought you’d be, as you stare at the kitchen counter and see another negative as you try to conceive, as motherhood is much harder than you thought it would be, He sees you.

When your trauma keeps finding you when you’d much rather it stay hidden underneath, and your greatest fears seem to be making their way into your story, and the dreams you’re chasing are starting to tear at the seems, He sees you.

Weariness is a place where God is prepared to show us the power of His presence, and the steady love He promises to His children. The end of ourselves is a place we can learn, once again, how deep our need is to depend on Him and how God desires to fill the empty spaces. Here, He transforms our hearts by showing us the high seat is a place Christ alone is worthy to enthrone.

When we have nothing else, we realize God is all we need.

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We Are Met With Grace

As I read the story of Hagar again, I was reminded of how the Lord’s presence has been the catalyst for change time and time again in my own life. In those days before my final test results last year, I had to fight with everything in me to stand on the sure foundation and promise that God is God with Us. To worship and praise Him for who He is, not just what He can do for me. To accept that I had no control over what was to come, but I did know who would walk with me in it no matter what. It may have been one of the hardest things I’ve walked through – coming to terms with how little control I have – but was a trial where I learned even more the power of God’s presence and what it means for Him to be sovereign.

By the grace of God, tests came back normal, but those few desperate weeks marked me. They showed me that God’s sights set on me was all I had and somehow all I need. He is my one thing. He showed me, through his supernatural peace, that He saw me, He was with me, and He had not forsaken me. He never has and He never will.

I imagine Hagar testifying to the same truth.

Have you ever reached the end of yourself?

I have come to understand that at the end of ourselves, we encounter God with a depth, intimacy, and desperation unlike anything else. We discover the miracle of His presence in the valley of the shadow of death. We realize that our heartbreak, the longings in our heart, can’t compare to the deep chasm of a heart beating without Christ. And to suffer with him is one of the greatest gifts we could receive.

There, at the end of our will and our power and our control, we find God’s sovereignty. We find Him to be faithful. In this, there’s freedom. A freedom that doesn’t look like the world’s freedom, but leads to abundant life, and gives us what we need to follow the path back to where we came with unfounded hope in God because He sees us.

Desperation does something for our faith – it helps us to realize that truly all we need is Him. When we have nothing else to give or cling to, our hands are open and free to reach out to him.

I wonder: Is being seen by the one who sees us enough?

God is a Living God. He seeks to restore all things back unto him; He is not finished yet. But I sit here and wonder: does the beauty of His grace sustain us? Do we burn for him, or do we just long for the gifts He brings? Of course, we don’t want to grow complacent, hardened or passive to the reality of a God who is very much alive and moving, but we also want to be attentive to the foundation of our worship. We can be both expectant for the miraculous, and grateful for what we have already received in Christ.

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A Prayer & A Blessing

May Jehovah El Roi be our comfort in every season, remembering that His eyes fixed upon us is powerful enough to sustain us in every trial and victory.

May we remember that just a day in his courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.

May we stand in awe of the One from whose hands we receive many blessings, and embrace the beauty of relationship with a God whose way is one of deep, divine, and holy communion.

May we fix our eyes on the pioneer and perfecter of faith, knowing that to just be in His presence satisfies the true longing in our hearts.

Even in our waiting, our longing, our suffering, and our wanting, God is present. He desires to meet with us, and show us that His presence can change everything. As you continue to find your hopes, dreams, and prayers unanswered, hold fast to the hope in knowing our God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He doesn’t always change our circumstances in the natural, but even just hearing His voice can be enough to sustain these weary hearts of ours.

Have you seen the one who sees you?

He sees you.

In your waiting, He sees you.

In your longing, He sees you.

Through your tear-soaked cheeks, He sees you.

In your joy, He sees you.

Through every season, He sees you.